Does your family really want a baby, but the man has problems with sperm quality? Have you tried everything: and treated him, and tried to take sperm directly from the testicles, but all to no avail? Then you need to decide what to do. There are several options, and each of them has a right to exist.
Option 1. Give birth from a donor
For a woman, this is not an insurmountable moral obstacle. After all, if artificial insemination (that is, the introduction of donor sperm into the uterine cavity) is successful, the child is still hers, even if genetically not from her husband. But this decision is not approved by most men: they are sick of the very idea that this baby will not be from them. However, a conversation with a competent specialist (obstetrician-gynecologist, reproductologist, andrologist) often helps to convince a man. Moreover, such a pregnancy occurs without direct sexual contact by in vitro fertilization (with male and female, combined factor of infertility) or artificial insemination (with a male factor), which in no case can be called treason. It is a medical technology that helps infertile couples become parents. All sperm donor data are hidden, and there is no interference in the life of the family.
If, despite all the beliefs, a man puts you before a choice, you need to decide:
- Are you ready to part with your beloved man (because men often put the question this way) because of the child;
- Will you later blame the baby for the absence of a man;
- Will you be able to support the child yourself.
Option 2. Leave everything as it is
You can, of course, not give birth at all. But not all married couples can live happily together without children. The point is psychology: a woman cannot forgive her husband, although she understands that he is not to blame for his condition. At the same time, the man feels guilty, and this makes him angry. Relationships deteriorate, and soon the family may break up. Technologies are ready to help future parents, but for this, the spouses themselves must find a compromise solution, decide on IVF or artificial insemination with donor sperm.
Option 3. Adopt a child
So he will not be genetically related to either husband or wife. However, this path will be thorny. The couple will have to go through complex legal procedures, be under the control of the guardianship authorities. We must not forget about the emotional component of the adoption process. Both parents and baby will take time to adapt to a new life, to get used to each other. But the most important thing is that a woman will always remember that she could bear and give birth to a baby herself.
Is there a solution?
The experience of specialists suggests that many men still agree to have a child from a donor. Even if initially the spouse was aggressively opposed to this idea, time can change everything. The spouse must show patience and wisdom, and then the replenishment in the family will not be long in coming. Women can be offered the following algorithm of actions:
- Stop putting moral pressure on your husband, try to accept his decision, but do not give up hope;
- Stop attending parties and parties where your mutual friends take kids. This will help you not to think around the clock that you have no children;
- Several times, but not persistently, talk to your husband about how giving you a chance to get pregnant from a donor (and not from direct sexual contact), he can feel like a father. Tell them that you will consider the child the husband's child, and that such a family will be the only acceptable one for you.
A beloved man or a child from a donor is a difficult decision for any woman. The choice in favor of the husband will allow to keep the family, and in favor of pregnancy - to be realized as a mother. Everything is in your hands, and any decision has a right to exist. Remember that this is not an easy decision for your man and try to be as understanding and kind as possible.
